This is me, apologizing. Saying sorry for whatever it is I have done to you, whatever small things I've forgotten or the attempts that have failed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry our friendship couldn't last, I'm sorry for everything I've done to ruin it, and I'm sorry for all the things I couldn't do and all the things I could. I'm sorry for flitting in and out of your life, all the coming and going, never staying still, never learning. I'm sorry. Someday, I pray, that you'll see me from afar, or think of me due to some offhanded comment, or experiencing some nostalgia, and I pray you'll remember our friendship and the times we had and think She once was my very best friend. How different my life is because of her. And you'll keep thinking, and thinking, and I pray you decide it wasn't so bad, me changing your life. I want to keep everything flowing from me in such stupid honesty, but the kindness and apologies stop there. I can't say I miss you, I can't say that I'm so mournful of your leaving, of you moving on and replacing me. Because I'm not. I'm not sorry for that. I'm not sorry for your silent judgments of me that I'm sure you thought were well-hidden. I'm not sorry for watching you turn from God Himself, and letting me crumble. I'm not sorry I say. You'd never been there for me, and all I did was listen. The world fell, piece by piece, around me, and all you saw was your selfish reflection. I'm not sorry. You never could see me. You just saw a jester and a clown. Never a person. Never the feelings. Never me. Just. The. Jester.